What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
