Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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