I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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