I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
