That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
