I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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