Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize