he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
