In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
