i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
