i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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