Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
They are going to name an STD after you.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
