only you would photoshop your dick
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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