Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
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