You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
