Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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