I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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