based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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