don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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