ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
it hurts more in the daytime
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
