I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
