You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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