and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
