I want you more than these girls want KFC
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
