Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
