i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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