problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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