My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
