you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
