she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
