so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
