Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
