My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
