3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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