I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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