i think my mom watched the whole time
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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