Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Come back. Shots need mouths.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
