Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
there is another microwave in the elevator.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
