he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
