i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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