After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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