College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
