I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
