Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
