It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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