do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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