Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
