I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
