I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
try to milk me bitch
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
