Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize