but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
