I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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