Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
