I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
that may or may not have been my penis.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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