He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
