It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
