I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
