theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize