My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Ketchup is God's man juice
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
