Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
