At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
