i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
