Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
