my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Congratulations! We have a period
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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