I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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