so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
