Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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