You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
