This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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